Isn’t it time to do something about it? It 1 life, and 1 life only.
I came across this song today, the tone and the sound of the words matched my mood.
All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, Worn out faces
Bright and early for the daily races
Going nowhere, Going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, No expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrows
No tomorrow, No tomorrowChorus
And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
These dreams in which i’m dying, Are the best I’ve ever had
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles its a very very
Mad World, Mad WorldChildren waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
And they feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, Sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, No one knew me
Hello teacher tell me whats my lesson
Look right through me, Look right through meAnd I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which i’m dying, Are the best I’ve ever had
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles it’s a very very
Mad World, Mad World, Mad World, Mad World…Enlargen your world
Mad World.
Writing.
I like to write, when I write I have a conversation with my own self. When I read I have a conversation with the author.
I am not a good writer, I know, but that is also one of the points of this blog, to improve my writing by actually writing: what a novel idea!
Let’s talk about Hemingway. For one he was a dude! Then a great and prolific writer.
So this is a good article on writing inspired by nonetheless then Hemingway himself: Hemingway on writing: 7 quotes all book lovers should read.
Enjoy it!
I am interesting.
I want to live an interesting life.
We all say these things, we think we are interesting, but at the same time we’re often dissatisfied with our life, which is quite the opposite from an interesting life. Talk about Cognitive Dissonance!
We often live a life of routine and banalities, basking ourselves with out overly mundane Starbucks Latte, fancy dinners, and the Armani dress on sale. Then we live precariously through the movies about heroes, superheroes, living happily ever after, and prince charming rescuing damsels in distress, unless the damsels are kicking some ass thanks to CGI. Make believe it’s the legal drugs for the minds.
We’ve all being brainwashed into a life of quiet desperation, with constant hope, and only hope, of happiness, happiness delivered in carefully selected doses, which spike our feeling of wellness and sense of euphoria, we are no different than Pavlov’s dog. Woof woof!
Alas, things could be simple, having an interesting life is not about living like James Bond or Kate Middleton, it might be just as simple as when we get the urge to do something, do something diametrically opposite, when we do something that we did yesterday, we decide to do something that we’ve never done before; something crazy, without being stupid.
So, this post was inspired by an article I fould in the overy boring Forbes magazine: How To Be More Interesting (In 10 Simple Steps).
Enjoy it.
I found this and thought it would make a good addition to this blog.
3 simple rules in Life
We are victims of habits.
Last time I posted something was Jan 9th, about the New Me. Well, so much time has passed, so much has happened, basically I am still the same person, just more aware, more evolved, and more experienced.
Often time we find ourselves in a position in life where we look around and what we see doesn’t matched our dreams, we find ourselves living in a world that we have created little by little, one small decision at a time, but the present product, the outcome of the summation of those small decisions is too far out from what we intended.
Change. Change is not hard, it’s easy, very easy. We all know what to do in order to achieve a new state, come on. When a friend has a problem, we can figure out the solution in a few minutes. And the solution is simple enough, easy enough, and the benefits are incredible. The friend agrees, thanks us for the advice, maybe he’ll go all the way to start following our great advice, only to fall off the wagon, the wagon of change, not long after the start. Our friend does that, and we do that too to ourselves.
Why is that?
It all started with… I don’t know. Really, I don’t.
I used to feel that the answer was out there, that someone out there knew it, that there was a book, an article that would solve all my problems for me. Just one more book, just one more article… the right book, the right article.
Then I knew that the answer was within me, but that too was a cliché, I was still looking for the formula, not a silver bullet, since I knew that I was the one that would have to do the work, the heavy lifting in order to change it all.
But there’s no formula. There’s not one article, or one book, or one idea. There’s just “I”.
And then I came across Matt’s Rejection Therapy Saved My Soul article, the Rejection Therapy Project, and the science behind it.
It was just too close to home to ignore it. I bled. I bled hard and copiously, and the funny this is that I came across those writing during a couple of days when my fife was weird, since the life events during those two days can be only categorized as:
… but nothing ordinary. And that’s my life in a nutshell, and yet, despite those “wonderful, that most people would kill for” moments, here I remain utterly unhappy.
While I have not blogged in a while, this failed project has been in the back of my mind, because it is not a failure, nor a success. It’s a process, a mean to its own end, there was no fucking way that when I started this, I would have the one and correct answer to my problems, and that thinking is what got me, and maybe you, into trouble.
Albert was right!
So today, January 9, 2013 is DAY 1.
Day 1 of a 30 day project where I will get some therapy, similar to rejection therapy, jus MORE of it, and I will record in here what I am going to force myself to do.
More details on another post today, but this is a partial list of my 30-day therapy:
IT ENDS SUNDAY FEBRUARY 10, 2013
From Victim to Survivor to Thriver
|
Victim |
Surviver |
Thriver |
| Doesn’t deserve nice things or trying for the “good life.” | Struggling for reasons & chance to heal | Gratitude for everything in life. |
| Low self esteem/shame/unworthy | Sees self as wounded & healing | Sees self as an overflowing miracle |
| Hyper vigilant | Using tools to learn to relax | Gratitude for new life |
| Alone | Seeking help | Oneness |
| Feels Selfish | Deserves to seek help | Proud of Healthy Self caring |
| Damaged | Naming what happened | Was wounded & now healing |
| Confusion & numbness | Learning to grieve, grieving past ungrieved trauma | Grieving at current losses |
| Overwhelmed by past | Naming & grieving what happened | Living in the present |
| Hopeless | Hopeful | Confident in self & life |
| Uses outer world to hide from self | Stays with emotional pain | Understands that emotional pain will pass & brings new insights |
| Hides their story | Not afraid to tell their story to safe people. | Beyond telling their story, but always aware they have created their own healing. |
| Believes everyone else is better, stronger, less damaged | Comes out of hiding to hear others & have compassion for them & eventually self | Lives with an open heart for self & others |
| Often wounded by unsafe others | Learning how to protect self by share, check, share | Protects self from unsafe others |
| Places own needs last | Learning healthy needs | Places self first realizing that is the only way to function & eventually help others |
| Creates one drama after another | See patterns | Creates peace |
| Believes suffering is the human condition | Feeling some relief, knows they need to continue in recovery | Finds joy in peace |
| Serious all the time | Beginning to laugh | Seeing the humor in life |
| Uses inappropriate humor, including teasing | Feels associated painful feelings instead | Uses healthy humor |
| Uncomfortable, numb or angry around toxic people | Increasing awareness of pain & dynamics | Healthy boundaries around toxic people, incl. relatives |
| Lives in the past | Aware of patterns | Lives in the Now |
| Angry at religion | Understanding the difference between religion & personal spirituality | Enjoys personal relationship with personal spirituality |
| Suspicious of therapists– projects | Sees therapist as guide during projections | Sees reality as their projection & owns it. |
| Needs people & chemicals to believe they are all right | Glimpses of self-acceptance & fun without others | Feels authentic & connected, Whole |
| “Depression” | Movement of feelings | Aliveness, happiness, satisfaction, hopefulness, positive, bright outlook, looking forward to the future while living in the present |
This is crazy.
I am always searching, looking, reading, so today I came across something huge, this is the most important thing that has ever changed my life, for the better: an article about The Narcissistic Mothers.
Another great resource: Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers.
Now it all makes sense:
I am still processing all of this information right now, still reading whatever I can find online, and getting some books from Amazon and the Library. WTF!!!
Slowly life is starting to make sense, once again. I am fine, I am at peace. Stoically contemplating this new reality of mine, kind of a late xmas present, and a very welcome ingredient for a great 2013.
This experiment still stands, it’s not going to be 21 days, that is an artificial construct, as far as I am concerned the change, the true radical change has already started, un-doing years of brainwashing, un-learning and re-learning.
I am lucky. I am lucky because I feel like John Nash in the movie A Beautiful Mind, where towards the end of the movie, when he’s back at teaching, he’s suspicious of everyone new appearing in his life; I am suspicious of everyone presently in my life right now, I ponder of why they are in my life, who am I trying to please? But there’s one pillar that stands tall, and that is my lovely wife, unwaverly loving me, a bastion in the storm, I am so lucky to have her in my life.
Looking back in what I wrote on this blog, one article stands out from the rest, something that I want to keep top of mind, and refer to Article: 30 Ways to Build Better Self Confidence.
So yesterday while looking for resources to help myself I came across this video (please do watch the first 3-4 minutes only)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s4xvvTAB_Fo
Bottom line: I didn’t like the video, didn’t really do anything useful for me, and I only watched it as background as I was doing something else.
BUT there’s something that made me think, the fucking chatter in my head, the chatter in everyone’s head is not good, actually it’s dangerous! This is something that I need to get rid of, the chatter is talking me out of the things that I really want to do, the chatter is myself doubting myself, that chatter is what has made me procrastinate and waste time in my life, and what has made me make decisions that were not supportive of me, my life, and who I am.
I know that I am not crazy, that chatter is me, nobody else. It’s me evaluating, and pondering, and over-analyzing and… and… and…
I need to do something about that chatter.
21experiment 